wanting to be somewhere else
the quest to live my life to the fullest, with or without her beside me, has somehow lead me back to square one. it was a fun couple of weeks going through different directions and renewing connections with long lost friends. i wanted to be the person i was around 2 years ago. i wanted to be the person who is always having fun, enjoying what life has to offer, and enjoying a diverse group of friends and their companionship. but instead of the person who lives life for today, i wanted to be the person who lives life to the fullest for today and tomorrow.
but somehow, something just didn't feel right last weekend. it was supposed to be a good weekend; a trip to subic for my officemate's wedding, then go to the christening of my best bud's first child, where i was the child's godfather, the day after.
a good friend of mine whom admittedly, i had a history with before, was with me on both events. we started to meet up again lately. it was a conscious decision for me to go out with her as i do enjoy her company a whole lot. she challenges me a lot mentally and intellectually and both of us can be as forward to one another.
however, during the night in subic, while we were sitting together and watching shows in cable tv in our rented place, i felt something different. i felt uneasy and distracted. i had to excuse myself purposedly to smoke outside. while outside, in the courtyard, sitting on a bench, i confronted my thoughts...
i missed somebody else.
there i was, in a place far away where i was supposed to enjoy my time. there i was, in the company of a wonderful girl... but my thoughts were somewhere else.
indeed you can bury thoughts of a person you have feelings for. you can mask it by dating other women. you can hide it all by being happy while with another person's company. but you can't deny the fact that all things being equal, you would still want to be with the one person you have feelings for.
and that person is somewhere far away from subic. she is not the person waiting for me in the room.
i may be in subic, but in my heart and in my thoughts i wanted to be somewhere else...
but somehow, something just didn't feel right last weekend. it was supposed to be a good weekend; a trip to subic for my officemate's wedding, then go to the christening of my best bud's first child, where i was the child's godfather, the day after.
a good friend of mine whom admittedly, i had a history with before, was with me on both events. we started to meet up again lately. it was a conscious decision for me to go out with her as i do enjoy her company a whole lot. she challenges me a lot mentally and intellectually and both of us can be as forward to one another.
however, during the night in subic, while we were sitting together and watching shows in cable tv in our rented place, i felt something different. i felt uneasy and distracted. i had to excuse myself purposedly to smoke outside. while outside, in the courtyard, sitting on a bench, i confronted my thoughts...
i missed somebody else.
there i was, in a place far away where i was supposed to enjoy my time. there i was, in the company of a wonderful girl... but my thoughts were somewhere else.
indeed you can bury thoughts of a person you have feelings for. you can mask it by dating other women. you can hide it all by being happy while with another person's company. but you can't deny the fact that all things being equal, you would still want to be with the one person you have feelings for.
and that person is somewhere far away from subic. she is not the person waiting for me in the room.
i may be in subic, but in my heart and in my thoughts i wanted to be somewhere else...
posted by jones at 12:46 PM
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