unchartered waters

when thinking of going into unchartered waters, the most logical thing to do is to look into how the people before you made it through and try not to make the same mistakes that resulted into pains and/or failure.

that is how a normal, sensible person would do it.

if the unchartered waters translates to marriage and the hope of happy ever after, then it all the more makes sense to follow that thought. you observe, you listen for advises, you err in the side of caution as a mistake could turn happiness for eternity into misery for a lifetime.

yet i want to take that journey into unchartered waters.

i know in my heart i want to do it. it was almost 2 years in the making (2 years being the amount of time after my failed relationship to the only person, before, who i offered intentions to marry). but i know the one person i want this to happen with is the one person that could also easily break my heart again.

and yet, the situations of those who went ahead of me through the unchartered waters of marriage are all screaming for me to slow down. friends whom i shared more than half my life with, treating each other like brothers.

they all caution me behind screams of muted protest. some with subtle words that remind me of how little i may know of the person i would want to entrust my future with. others with loud, in-your-face demonstrations of how their married life turned out to be due to the mistake they had initially,.. that they got married (probably) for the wrong reasons.

looking into their lives, i saw the struggles, the temptations, the blurred question of what is right or wrong, the indecisiveness to go for what is needed as against what is wanted.

i also saw them giving in. no, its not giving up, but that maybe is a reality that are facing them now. they are giving in to the mistakes they have done. giving in to finding what is missing and filling it up with something outside of marriage. they are giving in.

so in this situation i am in now, my friends are telling me to slow down but my heart say go on and face possible adversity with hope.

and hope is what led me to take into thinking about the journey to unchartered waters. hope that what she and i have been through, both individually and together, would help us make it through.

yet the most decisive factor is that i know in my heart, i want this to happen.

there has been a lot of side-stories, inuendos, discussions masked as humorous conversations about the issue of marriage that been a staple of our communications lately. this has lead me to believe that indeed, this might be due.

the only thing to do now is to talk to her about what i feel i want to do. she may not be as ready as i am but i believe that we can talk sensibly about it.

i have always said that we could only go 2 ways from where we are now: we could either lead separate lives or we could get married. i'd like to see both of us choosing the latter. and no amount of distressing experiences from those close to me would deter me from pursuing something i know, feels right.

the journey to unchartered waters may be eventful, difficult, and might be discouraging. those who went into this journey before me might have felt the sting of failure but that shouldn't deter me, or anyone else for that matter, to find our own ways through it.

with hope, courage, and the hand of someone you will have the journey with, this journey will bring no less joy than reaching the destination.