last man standing

when bong got married last december 18, that left only 3 of us from our barkada that are still single. among the 3, we all knew darwin will get married this year leaving cecilio and myself as the only bachelors left from the group when this year ends.

as it is, there is an ongoing joke among us barkada that it would be cecilio who would be the last man to get married, even though he is already with his current girl for 7 years now. the reason, as the joke goes, is that he is still in love with his ex-girlfriend!

that seemed to be true until this last weekend when i was in a night out with cecilio and another bud of mine, albert. it was on this drinking session at fat johnny's in timog that he dropped the bomb on us: he is getting married this year and he plans on making it a simple one.

that leaves me, as the only one who will be single, when year 2008 ends. the last man standing!

i shouldn't be surprised though, because almost all of my barkada seems to think that i would be the last man to stand on the altar (no matter the joke pointed to cecilio and his ex-girlfriend). they are even quite happy to think about speeches each and everyone of them will make on my own wedding day. for them, it would be one of the best days they could share with me!

they all knew i was the only one who was after the non-committal thing with those girls i dated when all of them are either married or are with girlfriends who they are serious with. they all knew about the only girl i was engaged with (so far) and how it happened that when it ended, i decided the best way to get over with it is to play the field again.

they all knew that i was picky, that there is this distinct possibility that when the only time i wanted to get married may be the only time i would risk opening myself again to a girl.

they all knew and wanted that i find that one girl again who would brake down my walls and allow myself to risk everything again.

much as i should be happy that cecilio has made peace with himself, somehow got the courage to risk everything with his current girlfriend and the chance to take it to the next level, i was also sad that at the end of the day, all my friends are right: i am picky, and at the end of the day, i will always have this wall around me that somehow protects me from the possibility of getting hurt again.

this wall though is preventing me from risking everything for a chance of ever-after. it limits me from exploring possibilities with the girls i go out with. it makes me afraid to be hurt again.

but i know, on my own, that a big part of my problem today is not so much with the girls i am going out with. it has as much to do with the fact that i am still holding on to something that was not there for me in the first place.

i am holding on to a hope that will never materialize, a dream that will never come true, a love that can never be.

for as much as i feel, in my heart, that this would be the one that could break the wall, the feeling that would negate all the fears of getting hurt, the one thing that would make me want to risk everything for happiness,... its not for me.

and as long as i hold it and don't let go, it would be the bigger hindrance for my search for true happiness.

i will be the last man standing. but still, i need to let go.

the 26K girl and the maid-of-honor

when one of my best buds, bong, got married last december 18, i can't help but smile reminicsing the events that happened on that day itself and on the bachelor's party 3 days before that.

december 15 was the day we had the bachelor's party. it was nothing out-of-the-ordinary. it was just a night out on a bar in ortigas followed by several more hours on a strip joint (guy stuff, everybody understands that right??!).

while on the bar, amidst a rather small saturday night crowd, bong and i together with 2 of our other best buds and bong's nephew drank beer and danced to the music of the in-house band. however, in that small crowd, we chanced upon a group of girls having a good time of their own. before everybody else knew it, i was acting my best man duties ahead of the wedding itself by being bong's wing man in meeting these girls.

while bong fixed his attention to this one girl, i cozied myself up with one other girl who caught my eye as she was really tall and sexy. when i was next to her, i saw in-close that she was also good-looking. not the drop-dead gorgeous type but she had this eyes that i liked (read: chinita) and nice cheek bones that accentuated her smile. but boy was she really hot in that low-cut jeans she was wearing!

it turns out that it was her birthday that night and she was celebrating it with her friends. we had a good time chatting and dancing until i was reminded that we had to go the next place we planned on going to for bong to fully experience his bachelor's party. i said my goodbyes and just on impulse asked her if she wants to be my date on the upcoming wedding i had to attend. i was partly surprised when she said yes and told me to just be in touch about the place and time.

the day before the wedding, i talked to this girl again and somehow got hold of the fact that she was actually coming from abs-cbn during that time. when i probed further, she told me she was one of the 26K girls of the game show "deal or no deal"! man, i am going to the wedding of one of my best buds with a 26K girl!

but the next day, there was a glitch and she wanted me instead to pick her up at her place to go to bong's wedding. as i myself was running a bit late, i had to politely tell her i may not be able to do so and perhaps we could just meet up in the next coming days.

my sadness in not being with the 26K girl on the wedding was however eased out when i met the maid-of-honor. she was lia's (bong's wife) best friend from high school. if i was attracted to the 26K girl because of her body, i was attracted to the maid-of-honor because she was easily the most beautiful girl on that wedding (mind you there was also a girl who looked like ehra madrigal and another who was also a model-type). we surprisingly hit it off immediately and we were chatting up all throughout the ceremony. she held on to my arm while walking out of the church and exchanged smiles and laughs while throwing rose petals on bong and lia outside the church. she even asked if i wanted a ride with her to the reception (which i had to decline as i was waiting for another barkada who is arriving late).

in the reception, we chatted again until the formalities started. she was actually one of the hosts for the wedding reception program. it was on one of the formalities of a wedding reception that became the highlight of my day with the maid-of-honor.

i was up there in the podium (with her behind me) when i made the best man's toast and modesty aside, it was one of the most well received speeches i ever made. in fact, a lot of people (lia, bong's mom, bong's sis, and the old lady who was sitting with us on our table) took me aside and told me how touching my speech was.

and ofcourse, one of those people who was touched was the maid-of-honor. when i got down the podium to toast with bong and lia, she even made a toast with me first. with smiles on both our faces, we toasted with our own wine glasses before i finally reached bong and lia's table.

when the reception ended, i had one last talk with her. she again commented on how sweet and touching my speech was. we exchanged mobile numbers afterwards.

when i was about to say my goodbyes to bong and lia, lia casually reminded me that the maid-of-honor herself is getting married middle of 2008 (as if on-queue so that i won't get any ideas of being "friendly" with her).

but guess what, i was not bummed about it. i knew beforehand that she was already engaged to be married but still, we had a good time together!

and besides, i still have that date with the 26K girl ahead of me! hahaha!!