being selfish for a change

today, i took the time to ponder on the decision i am about to make. i know i decided on this long ago but i can't help but see the possible repercussions. for this decision will not only affect me but possibly my whole family.

but i know at some point i would have to think about myself and what is best for me. at some point, one needs to be selfish for it may help everybody else in the long run.

so i have decided to quit my job. i will formalize everything tomorrow morning. and this decision comes with a heavy heart.

for i love my job. i love the work that my job entails. i love the responsibilities and how i was able to secure respect of the people i work with on a global scale.

my heart feels heavy because of the colleagues i will be leaving behind. i have fostered more friendships here than in my previous companies. i will miss the bond that were fostered not only through work but moreso on the activities outside of it.

this decision is hard because i am taking it with a leap of faith. because i don't have another job i could take immediately upon resigning this job. i know that i will have difficulties getting a job that would even equal what i am getting here right now, im learning that right now with all the current job interviews i am getting.

but this decision is never about the money. this decision was made for me to leave with my confidence intact. i have suffered more emotional distress here than anyone else could ever have.

i have to quit while i still believe in myself. i have to quit before the words that my boss are telling me could permanently affect my confidence. i have to quit because i know my skills and contributions could better suit another company where i will be appreciated more.

appreciation comes with more value to me than any amount of money. the lack of appreciation has caused me to go to work for the wrong reasons. much as i love my job, i hate coming to the office and risking hearing things from him that would lead me to second-guessing everything i am doing.

but then in the end, i really have to make this decision. he would not change for anybody else, he is the boss. yes, it should be up to us to adjust to his way of "managing" people.

however, if adjusting means i would have to accept all the insults, threats, questions on my skills then i'd really rather quit.

for i am a professional, i am not a soldier that would blindly follow each and every command he issues. and if his military-style management is what he would like to implement then i would just walk-away. even if it means doing so with a heavy heart.

i need to be selfish about this because i know nobody among my friends and my family would want to see me a fraction of the person they knew of me before. i need to be selfish because i don't want to look at the mirror and see myself that way also.

Friends... and the memories

2 fridays ago, i got this text message that got me all sad. our usual friday hang-out, our favorite bar, Friends, has closed... permanently.

it was sad because friends has become synonymous to our barkada.

i remember us going to that place even when it was situated in the old St.Francis Square area. i remember how seemingly lost we were when Friends temporarily closed (for a month) in preparation for its transfer to a much bigger place in El Pueblo Ortigas. i remember how we were one of those invited during the grand re-opening in El Pueblo sometime december 2003.

for as long as i can remember, we are going to Friends as early as 2002.


it was sad because we have a lot of fond memories at Friends:

my best bud spearheading our group in meeting girls.

my then med student barkada saying we should foot the bill because he is still a student while we are all working, even when he is already saying he is a doctor to every girl we meet.

my friend, who was then fronting a band where another friend is a member, jamming to the house band kaktooz to the tune of daughter by pearl jam.

another friend who for 2 straight fridays got too drunk in the bar culminating in his roller-coaster walk towards the cr where he decided to sleep sitting on the toilet bowl (too funny to miss out).

another friend who had the guts to introduce himself to a girl who just woke up (drunk) and got shot down (this is a classic!).

another friend who was with his 2 girlfriends on the same table (i still don't know how he got away with it!).

one friend who was too friendly that the gay friend of the group of girls we were chatting with, thought he was into him.

one other friend who brought his officemate (their accountant) then us spilling out that he takes our receipt for the night and reimburses it as representation allowance.

another friend who was too happy to just be in such a place as against his and his officemates hang-out bar in libis (though he still maintains that the prices there are definitely cheaper).


then there are my own memories:

assuming the front man duties in meeting girls when my best bud went abroad to work.

learning and having the guts to dance with girls.

being known within Friends staff and waiters.

having a ready table for me and the group every friday.

meeting and getting to know erika, anne, angela, yanyan, gie, myra, april, sarah, jenny, jacqueline, mara, kitty, bea, cj, ash,and others whose names i can't recall now (i know, im typical..).


Friends has had a bad impression among those people who really haven't spent an extended period of time there. even some of the wives or girlfriends of the group frown on us when they hear we are going to that place.

however, what they didn't know is Friends as a bar lives up to the truest sense of the name. it is where friends meet, have drinks, listen and dance to the music, and basically enjoy the night!

Friends at el pueblo has closed. along with it was the atmosphere of pure enjoyment of time spent there. it will be greatly missed!